The Church of Book Sniffers

Theres something about bumping into someone who's had a similar epiphany to me. Nothing turns acquaintances into friends more quickly than having shared a similar, unique experience. I don't think becoming disillusioned with knob jockeys disguised as Christians is truly unique, but finding others to discuss it openly with seems strangely unique. For the most part, most people I know are either religious, or puzzled as to why anyone would ever voluntarily be religious. There's also that group that don't give two hoots but they're technically religious for traditional, superstitious or social purposes.  

Me: I was in it for all the right reasons, I believe. I wanted to be close to God, to follow my purpose and to raise my children 'right'. I wanted to believe that I was immortal.

The major thing me and my friend have in common is that we became fed up with being treated like moronic children who had no hope of doing anything useful with our lives. Or at least, not achieving anything worthwhile unless we adhered to their distinct, unique set of rules.

One of my faults was that I wasn't  attending church often enough. I was eventually informed that 'babies need to wean in order to grow' or something like that, and that the only way to grow in God is to spend every spare moment at the church. To me, it was a cult, in retrospect. Modern churches can't possibly have the whole congregation co-habiting commune-style, so the next best thing is to have members neglect their own lives and earthly families in order to serve the church. When we failed to do that, we fucked with their system. (Hurrah to that!)

Yes, I say fuck now and yes, it is in direct rebellion towards the church. Not because I'm badass, but because the world is in such peril that me cursing is the least of its problems. And don't give me that sympathetic 'You're lost and you're going to hell' look either!

I think us reformed Christians are reluctant to discuss our situations because a) it seems disrespectful to our loved ones who faithfully follow God and b) we feel, perhaps, that we failed somehow, and c) most talk is cheap and small. 

I'm at the point where I don't feel I failed, I feel I overcame! If only certain Christians could realise their own failings; that in their heroic bids to keep us heretics on the straight and narrow, they often push us away.

Some of us question authority. Some of us get divorced. Some of us have babies out of wedlock. Some of us are gay. Some of us even swear! We're human. It's nice for us to find a like-minded humans who perhaps still honour God but have decided church is toxic.

I look forward to a cuppa and a bitch with this lady. At least I can admit I bitch about things sometimes. Some people don't want you to do grown-up things like bitch about your sitch or just fucking swear. Do it anyway. If you want to. You're a grown up; it's your choice.

I've weaned, but not in the way they would've liked. Now I attend the church of 'standing in the street, talking to someone who totally gets you.' It's like when you find a group of writers who love non-supernatural young adult fiction/vintage clothing/musical theatre/80s music/sniffing books/clothes dryer fluff/Degrassi. It's finding that seemingly non-existent niche and feeling like you have comrades.

That's one cult I'd consider going all communal for.