As a mother, I often find myself discussing, celebrating, boasting or at times, feeling concerned, about my children’s growth and development. Like most kids, mine pick some things up easily and other tasks present more of a challenge – which made it all the more exciting when my baby girl mastered sitting up, and my three-year-old became an expert at dressing herself. My husband was wondering if we should start our eldest in school the year she turns five due to her obvious brilliance, but I pointed out that her social graces aren’t quite so polished. I feel proud when I watch my baby play a pretty tune on her Dora piano, and savour the feeling I get when my big girl puts her cup in the sink after she’s finished her juice.
We revel in the joy of witnessing our children’s achievements, talents, strengths and milestones, and rightly so.
But why is it that Mums rarely stop to consider or even celebrate our own milestones, personal growth and skills acquired since becoming parents? One reason I can think of, is that we’re often too busy to even think about it. I know I’m more likely to spend my time comparing myself to the nearest (perceived) Super Mum, or cursing myself for forgetting to take that present my daughter lovingly wrapped to the birthday party, or... any number of things!
But when I allow myself to really think about it, I realise I’ve come a long way since I became a Mum over three years ago. I’ve cause to be proud – not just of my little munchkins, but of myself. I’m no Super Mum, but I know I’m a good one. I’ve experienced much growth and development, and it’s a continuing and fascinating journey. One well worth acknowledging (maybe even scrapbooking? hehe).
Apart from acquiring superb time management skills, and surprising myself at how committed and responsible I can be, I have matured and grown to accept myself more. I used to care too much about what people thought of me. I would bend over backwards to please people; to try to entice them to like me more than perhaps they did. Nowadays I’m too busy to fit this time-wasting endeavour into my schedule. Besides, it’s not a good example to set for my impressionable daughters – I’d hate to think they would kowtow to other kids who don’t want to play with them! I want them to see that I love and respect myself, so that they can feel the same way about themselves.
My priorities have changed for the better in many ways. I remember when I used to spend hours getting ready for some event (or most likely, a non-event), and no matter how I primped or prepared, I’d never feel quite ‘pretty enough’. There’s nothing wrong with getting glam, but when you tend to focus on your looks above a lot of other things, it can be deflating. I was never high maintenance, but it’s been an unexpected confidence boost to have limited time to get ready. It means I have to quickly choose an outfit, apply minimal make up and escape before the party’s over. Ironically, I feel more attractive and less stressed as a result. I’m too keen to get out of the house and have a good time with my friends (and yes, a break from my babies) to worry about maintaining my spray tan or my (God forbid) hair extensions or wishing I was as pretty as some other woman who probably just signed a contract with Chadwick Model Management.
Before Babies, I was always a stickler for time – it was all part of my people-pleasing persona. It’s taken a long time, but I’m starting to forgive myself for being late to just about everything. After all, everyone expects a Mum to be late to things, don’t they? I tell myself, it just means that I/we can make a grand entrance and others will count themselves lucky to be graced with my/our presence! To be fashionably late is a positive thing. I’ll admit I’m still struggling with this one... all part of the journey!
An ongoing challenge for myself and many other Mums, is dealing with the downpour of misguided advice, judgment and guilt that inevitably comes our way. Whether it comes from yourself or others, criticism in regards to parenting – the most important job in the world – can get you down. When I become caught up in this, I try to redirect my thoughts by telling myself: “I’m a great Mum – my girls are lucky to have me!” Reminding myself of my own growth as a Mum and a woman gives me this kind of confidence when I need it most. After three-plus years of experience, I choose to trust my own judgment. After all, God chose me to be the mother to my children!
The biggest milestone in my development since having children would most certainly be becoming a Christian. Now I have the ultimate guide to steer me through the challenges of parenting and growing as a person – God! I often shoot up a quick prayer as I load the dishwasher or change a nappy. It helps me get through often chaotic, tiring days. Knowing God is there to put things in perspective is comforting. He’s the only one who can truly judge me and for that I am grateful!
So just consider this – next time you’re applauding your offspring for taking that first step, greeting that potential new friend or even just eating all their dinner – congratulate yourself as well. You’re a great Mum and an incredible woman. You’ve come a long way, baby!
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