The Dinner Party to own all Dinner Parties

It’s the classic question – the question I love to answer – which leads to the answers that define a person... well, maybe not, but it’s kinda telling. What question? Oh yeah: if you could hold a dinner party with seven guests of your choice, dead or alive - who would they be?  (And yes, let's leave family and friends, and all those kinds of folk off of the ultimate list! Feel free to assume they're there already present if you wish)

My answers are usually subject to change, but for the time being, these are my guests, people; my seven privileged fine dining connoisseurs:

1. Joss Whedon (Like, definitely)

2. Tim Burton (would love to find out what it was like for him growing up, being such a unique individual in a suburban world filled with so-called ‘normal people’)

3. Tina Fey (my favourite nerdy feminist comedienne/mother)

4 .Nick Vujijic (The limbless Christian man, whose book I’m currently reading. Would have to invite his wife too, so she could spoon feed him!)

5. Zooey Deschanel (my favourite quirky/nerdy-in-a-hip-way/ funny non-mother. She would probably leave naked, as I'd steal her clothes)

6. Bill Cosby

7. Martin Luther King Jr. (these last two have remained on the list for the last few years... I can’t go past ‘em.)

My friend Lynda made a list at my request too... it’s a good pastime on a Friday at the office, after all. We both want Joss and Tim at our respective dinner parties. She also plans to invite Sherlock Holmes, (he could solve the crime if someone was murdered at the dinner, at least!) Beethoven (he could provide the music), along with Dr Who and one of his cohorts, River Song,  and Agatha Christie’s Poirot.

If I could add an eighth guest to my doozy of a list, it might have to be Stevie Wonder... Lynda’s eighth would be Spike from ‘Buffy’. Yeah, I could totally go along with that. I’d be happy to merge our dinner parties if Lynda allowed such a thing.

Wow, we could have some really interesting dinner conversations. But what of the menu? I think we’ll need to get the caterers in – after all, I have no idea what to feed dead/fictitious people!

So, tell me, tell me now: who are your seven??

P.S.I need to expand my list I think... Robbie Williams and Russell Brand would add some colour!

A hearty Disney Princess debate

Below is a post from the blog of a woman who calls herself Madam Noire – I found her piece interesting, even if I didn’t wholly agree with it. It was a good read. I forwarded it to my husband, whose brilliant response can be found below Madam Noire’s blog post. Gotta love a good Disney Princess debate!

Madame Noire | Black Women's Lifestyle Guide | Black Hair | Black Love

From the time I was a year old Cinderella was my favorite Disney princess. This was the Golden Books story version, not the movie.  The way my parents relayed the story, Cinderella and the Prince danced round and around and around.For some reason, as a baby, I liked that image.

Then as I got older and started watching the movie I identified with the fact that she was able to escape a very bad situation and live happily ever after.  I wasn’t living in a bad situation but the story was universal. Cinderella made it out and I could respect that.  As a kid that’s all I took from the story.

It wasn’t until I got older, like during my preteen days, that I started to realize my girl Cinderella and all of her Disney princess friends weren’t sending the most realistic messages about life and love. I started to notice that for many of the princesses their entire existence centered around being beautiful and getting a man. That’s what they sang about, dreamed about and in some of their cases, struggled to obtain. You can see what I’m talking about in this illustration below:

Now, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be beautiful, finding a man and living happily ever after. As little girls we all wanted to be considered beautiful and live in some fantasy land with our latest elementary school crush. The problem comes in when you focus every fiber of your being on snagging the man. Becoming so consumed with him that  you forget to nurture your passions and talents. The above illustration represents some gross exaggerations. I sincerely doubt little girls were cognizant of these messages. (With the exception of Ariel from “The Little Mermaid,” even as a child I recognized the fact that baby girl had to give up everything to get the man). But that’s not the point. As little girls it takes time for us to understand the concept of self fulfillment, balancing a relationship and achieving your own goals. That doesn’t come until much later.

But that doesn’t mean it’s not a concept Disney couldn’t utilize in their lucrative movie-making empire to promote. Thankfully, somewhere along the line somebody at Disney realized this.

You want to know how I know? Two words.

Princess Tiana.

Now The Princess and the Frog wasn’t perfect but aside from the fact that she was a black woman, Princess Tiana was different from any of the other Disney princesses. Tiana had a dream, an empowering one at that. While she was gifted with the pretty domestic ability of being a good cook, Tiana wanted to own a restaurant. And while the other princesses were working toward getting the man, Tiana was working to get her restaurant. And I mean working hard. I’m not embarrassed to say that I was invested in her character. Watching her work tirelessly only to save a few pennies at the end of the day had me exhausted.

But at the conclusion of the movie what I dug about Tiana’s character was the fact that she brought something to the table. In fact, she had more on the ball than the Prince she would eventually marry. So much so that she taught him a thing or two about work ethic and drive. And he taught her something about taking time to enjoy life. Reciprocal relationships. Now that’s a story I can relate to.

And while little ones might not experience the movie on that level, please believe they notice how hard Princess Tiana worked for her dream and how her work eventually paid off. That’s a lesson little girls need to learn and I’m happy they received that lesson from Disney’s first black princess.

Getting your dream and the man. That’s the perfect definition of Happily Ever After.

I disagree with this woman being so harsh about the other princesses.

Princess Jasmine

She wasn't interested in a man; she was interested in getting out into the world. She didn't like being a princess, she didn't like men (in general ‘cause she was being set up). She just wanted to experience life which she couldn't do while she was in the kingdom. So she left, met someone that she just clicked with, mainly ‘cause he saved her and showed her a different life.

Even when "Prince Ali" came to get her, she still wasn't interested until he offered her a carpet ride because I think it sort of half clicked with her that Prince Ali might be Aladdin (‘cause he said "trust me" and she said "what did you say?"). It was the adventure she fell in love with probably more than Prince Ali.

So I think she's wrong here...

Belle

I think she's a bit harsh on Belle. Belle is a super intelligent woman who wasn't really interested in the beast but the more time she spent with him she realised he wasn't that bad, plus she was kind of helping him being better etc. so she improved his life. If she'd ended up with Gaston, then fair enough with those comments, but she didn't. She went with the ugly beast who turned into a yucky man. Yes she was beautiful and everything but who cares? That's just who she was. Was she not showing that beautiful people can be intelligent too? She didn't exactly dress all princessy prior to getting that lovely yellow dress Sienna loves so much (we all love so much). Leave Belle alone!

Ariel

I don’t know anything about this story

Aurora / Cinderella / snow white /

Aurora was happy living her life with her fairies and her animals. Yeah she probably cared a little about boys, but she'd never met any. She sang songs about dreams she had etc but i think it was probably just the shock of actually meeting a boy who was nice etc that made her like him. (It’s a bit funny ‘cause if she'd never met a boy, how would she know to dream of one? or what they'd look like? hmmm. maybe the fairies played dress ups.)

Cinderella just really wanted to escape from her world. Her step mother and step sisters were really mean to her so she wanted to escape. She knew her dad was a wonderful man and she missed him and so when there was a chance to escape with the prince she was very excited. It’s not her fault.

Snow white is crap.

In general, what she says about these is sort of true I guess. But that was the time these movies were made, they were all 50s or thereabouts, that's how the world was, that's what girls wanted until the world modernised and people became smarter and there were more things to interest girls.

With the later Disney films, like the Beasts, Aladdins etc, I think Disney have realised the world has changed and so their movies are changing also, becoming less simple and man dreamy and giving the female characters a lot more character.

Thanks Pete, you're awesome!

P.S. Watched 'The Frog and the Princess' yesterday and I have to agree with Madame Noire - it was a great movie, which sent a more positive message to little viewers than most of the Disney Princesses do! But as Pete said, that's because they're moving with the times. Princess Tiana rules!

You've Come a Long Way, Baby!

As a mother, I often find myself discussing, celebrating, boasting or at times, feeling concerned, about my children’s growth and development. Like most kids, mine pick some things up easily and other tasks present more of a challenge – which made it all the more exciting when my baby girl mastered sitting up, and my three-year-old became an expert at dressing herself.  My husband was wondering if we should start our eldest in school the year she turns five due to her obvious brilliance, but I pointed out that her social graces aren’t quite so polished. I feel proud when I watch my baby play a pretty tune on her Dora piano, and savour the feeling I get when my big girl puts her cup in the sink after she’s finished her juice.

 We revel in the joy of witnessing our children’s achievements, talents, strengths and milestones, and rightly so.

But why is it that Mums rarely stop to consider or even celebrate our own milestones, personal growth and skills acquired since becoming parents? One reason I can think of, is that we’re often too busy to even think about it. I know I’m more likely to spend my time comparing myself to the nearest (perceived) Super Mum, or cursing myself for forgetting to take that present my daughter lovingly wrapped to the birthday party, or... any number of things!

But when I allow myself to really think about it, I realise I’ve come a long way since I became a Mum over three years ago.  I’ve cause to be proud – not just of my little munchkins, but of myself. I’m no Super Mum, but I know I’m a good one.  I’ve experienced much growth and development, and it’s a continuing and fascinating journey. One well worth acknowledging (maybe even scrapbooking? hehe).

Apart from acquiring superb time management skills, and surprising myself at how committed and responsible I can be, I have matured and grown to accept myself more. I used to care too much about what people thought of me. I would bend over backwards to please people; to try to entice them to like me more than perhaps they did. Nowadays I’m too busy to fit this time-wasting endeavour into my schedule. Besides, it’s not a good example to set for my impressionable daughters – I’d hate to think they would kowtow to other kids who don’t want to play with them! I want them to see that I love and respect myself, so that they can feel the same way about themselves.

My priorities have changed for the better in many ways. I remember when I used to spend hours getting ready for some event (or most likely, a non-event), and no matter how I primped or prepared, I’d never feel quite ‘pretty enough’. There’s nothing wrong with getting glam, but when you tend to focus on your looks above a lot of other things, it can be deflating. I was never high maintenance, but it’s been an unexpected confidence boost to have limited time to get ready. It means I have to quickly choose an outfit, apply minimal make up and escape before the party’s over. Ironically, I feel more attractive and less stressed as a result. I’m too keen to get out of the house and have a good time with my friends (and yes, a break from my babies) to worry about maintaining my spray tan or my (God forbid) hair extensions or wishing I was as pretty as some other woman who probably just signed a contract with Chadwick Model Management.

Before Babies, I was always a stickler for time – it was all part of my people-pleasing persona. It’s taken a long time, but I’m starting to forgive myself for being late to just about everything. After all, everyone expects a Mum to be late to things, don’t they? I tell myself, it just means that I/we can make a grand entrance and others will count themselves lucky to be graced with my/our presence! To be fashionably late is a positive thing. I’ll admit I’m still struggling with this one... all part of the journey!

An ongoing challenge for myself and many other Mums, is dealing with the downpour of misguided advice, judgment and guilt that inevitably comes our way. Whether it comes from yourself or others, criticism in regards to parenting – the most important job in the world – can get you down. When I become caught up in this, I try to redirect my thoughts by telling myself: “I’m a great Mum – my girls are lucky to have me!”  Reminding myself of my own growth as a Mum and a woman gives me this kind of confidence when I need it most. After three-plus years of experience, I choose to trust my own judgment. After all, God chose me to be the mother to my children!

The biggest milestone in my development since having children would most certainly be becoming a Christian. Now I have the ultimate guide to steer me through the challenges of parenting and growing as a person – God! I often shoot up a quick prayer as I load the dishwasher or change a nappy. It helps me get through often chaotic, tiring days. Knowing God is there to put things in perspective is comforting. He’s the only one who can truly judge me and for that I am grateful!

So just consider this – next time you’re applauding your offspring for taking that first step, greeting that potential new friend or even just eating all their dinner – congratulate yourself as well. You’re a great Mum and an incredible woman. You’ve come a long way, baby!