Stupid Things People Say

Stupid things people say

‘It must be good to stay home and look after sick children instead of coming in to work’

It’s incredibly wonderful if you don’t have any kind of work ethic. It’s the bomb if you enjoy caring for sick children, who are crying, snotting and pooping soft-serve yellow goop. It’s better than a day at Luna Park if you like seeing your offspring feeling poorly. It’s marvellous if you have no qualms about leaving sick children to fend for themselves while you indulge in a session of ‘Singstar’. Maybe I believed this with all of my ignorant heart prior to producing infants, and if so, it was friggin’ stupid of me.

‘Buffy is a kids’ show, with no depth whatsoever.’

That’s code for ‘I am a kids’ show, with no depth whatsoever’! Look beyond the surface before spitting out such ignorant venom, people! Joss Whedon’s genius knows no bounds, and if you don’t get that, you’re not only saying something stupid, but you’re missing out. Big time. It may be a little dated now, but if it weren’t for Buffy, you wouldn’t have all of your sub-par vampire soapies, dreamed up by morons who saw dollar signs when they realised there was a supernatural bandwagon to jump on.

‘I was literally at the end of my tether’

There seems to be an abundance of individuals who don't understand what ‘literally’ means. In fact, they obviously think it means the opposite of what it really is – it would make more sense to say, ‘I was figuratively at the end of my tether’. Because if you’re literally at the end of your tether, then tell me this: what’s a tether? And how did you find yourself propped on its end? This sort of things seems to be uttered by people who should know better, such as journalists and teachers. The same people who say stuff like, ‘I seen him when I returned back at 5am in the morning. Literally. Just arks anyone.’ Another reason why home schooling may not be as crazy as it seems...

Musicals are so dumb. Why do they have to darn well sing about everything?

People who say this sort of thing are no fun. Instead of saying, ‘Why walk when you could dance?’ their motto must be something like, ‘Why write a poem when you could write a shopping list? Why reach for the stars when you could reach for the economy pack of light globes on the top shelf?’
It’s these sorts who end up not Singin’ in the Rain, but whingeing about wet frizzy hair and torn dungarees in the rain. Maybe it’s not a stupid thing to say, but it’s definitely offensive to one’s right to indulge in a break from mind-numbing un-choreographed reality.

You need to eat more, why don’t you eat?

I’ve had people ask me this as they watch me down a hamburger with the lot, a giant thickshake, two milo bars and a partridge in a pear tree – all because I have a propensity to be on the slender side. One high school frenemy witnessed such a feast and haughtily concluded to all and sundry that I must be vomiting said feast up afterwards.  It’s been suggested that I am not a real woman, because I don’t boast dangerous curves. It’s even been hinted that I’m being skinny on purpose to make others feel rotten. Hmmm, if I’m that devious and clever, then I might magically become a millionaire overnight and not share any of the dosh. That would be a much more enjoyable way of pissing people off. And guess what? Breast feeding makes some of us a bit too thin!

You’re just using those big words to make me feel stupid

Funny, this is kind of like the body shape thing. Unlike my natural thinness though, I am not naturally a wordsmith. It’s more that I have a passion for words and building upon my vocabulary. I love to read and I’d die a happy woman if I could get paid to write (and see my daughters grow up to be happy, independent, well-adjusted, resilient and kind individuals, of course) – so why do I need to hold back, just because you don’t enjoy the same things I do? I don’t think I’m overdoing it. I didn’t indulge in a thesaurus along with my hamburger with the lot, but I do enjoy the almost poetic feeling of stringing an effective collection of word beads together to make a beautiful sentence necklace. My jewellery metaphor proves I have much more to learn. So don’t knock me for that – just deal with the corollary of your austere existence, and permit my erudition to burgeon, at least sparodically.